April 3, 2013
Throughout high school and university I was always so stressed, and sometimes downright angry. Every little thing was the end of the world! But I was epically motivated. I squeezed more into a day than most people could do in a week. Even for a few years after I finished my undergrad, I was still continuously get up and go.
Motivation at the time was really easy: I needed to study and do well to get a good job to pay for food, shelter and the basics of life. It was an investment of energy and time to secure the necessities of life. And occasionally doing some things to try to impress girls. Guys are simple-minded creatures like that…
However, after so many years, that lifestyle or stress and recklessness was very negatively affecting my health.
As I mentioned in my about me page, my life-changing moment was when I did really badly climbing the CN Tower in 2008. I made up my mind then and there to take control of my health and my life. Within weeks I was regularly working out at a gym. One year later I had improved my time by over 20 minutes and lost a lot of weight. Within two years I ran my first half-marathon. And then marathons, and such and such.
Over that time I came to terms with myself. As I’ve said in a previous post, I like me now. I’d like to think I still excel at my work, but I keep my head down and nose clean because I don’t have any promotion prospects until I have MANY more years of experience. I’m satisfied with my health, and though there’s room for improvement, I’m not worried about dying anymore. And I’ve done more running in 3 years than most do in their lifetimes. I’m embracing the idea of being non-judgmental and being a nice guy to avoid causing too much grief for others. I feel very zen. Way too much of a nice guy. To use a reference from the video game Jade Empire, perhaps I’m embracing the Way of the Open Palm. But maybe this isn’t a good thing.
I was doing a weights workout the other day, and I was struggling with the spirit to push. It was weird. I used to be able to put so much emotion into every rep to power through, but I had trouble finding it.
By the end of the workout I did find some things I was upset about: Some situations and people at work that have made me unhappy had me pump out a few more bench presses. Dating rejections inspired some more squats. Damn car repair bill helped me hold onto planks…
I wonder if I’ve become too calm, relaxed and comfortable. I suppose I need a new motivator or shiny goal to push towards?
Come to think of it, one of the reasons I did my first half-marathon was because I was challenged by a girl. Guys really are simple creatures…
What motivates you? What lights your fire? Should I get angry? Or am I on the right track?